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Dog vs Cat Diary

10 CommentsWednesday, 24 June 2015  | 

Dog Diary

dog typing8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!

12:00 PM - Lunch! My favourite thing!

1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!

3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!

5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favourite thing!

7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!

8:00 PM - Watched TV with my people! My favourite thing!

11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!

Cat Diary

cat typingDay 983 of my captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.

B------ds!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.... for now.


Elaine
Wednesday, 1 July 2015  |  20:07

So funny and so true to life. Brought a wide smile to my face as I read it. Well done that author 😊


Lynne
Thursday, 2 July 2015  |  10:59

Absolutely brilliant! We could hardly read these diaries for laughing and they certainly reminded us of some of the cats and dogs who have shared our lives.


Mike Horner
Tuesday, 14 July 2015  |  21:59

A great article and totally consistent with the saying that dogs have masters and cats have servants. Our 4 cats are now beginning to cooperate and I am sure they are planning a great escape.


Erik
Wednesday, 7 October 2015  |  2:07

Yes


Rusty
Sunday, 11 October 2015  |  17:27

I had a good chuckle reading this. Reminds me of my pets!


Juju
Friday, 16 October 2015  |  21:24

So fun so stupid


Psgirl
Friday, 6 November 2015  |  10:11

Haha. This is so true.


Marty
Thursday, 10 March 2016  |  14:46

Funny


Linda Jane
Tuesday, 1 November 2016  |  10:55

So funny 😁 and scaring true, my cat clearly see's me as an enfearerer species, who is to be looked after as one would care for their loved but rather senile and confused 😖 aunty, keep it up, don't let my feline friend get the better of me 😼 x


Alice
Thursday, 8 June 2017  |  17:36

LOL very funny. The dog LOVES pretty much anything, I guess that's what goes on in dog's brain.

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